Dear LPG

I found a few facts on the internet that led me to think about one of those problems that many of us might have but do little about, and I would like to take you on the journey that got me to an answer that might interest some of the LPG readers who still own a car.  

A bit of googling informed me that just over half of us retired people still drive, although we will likely not use our vehicles as much as we get older. Like me, many other driving pensioners will agree when they compare the number they put in the motor insurance renewal form’s ‘annual mileage’ box with what we would have put in earlier years.    

I know that I don’t, but it is good to be able to get to the shops, the doctor’s and my friends when parking will allow, being able to drive gives a sense of security and it’s warmer if you need to go out on a dark winter’s night.

I read another statistic of interest, which states that 1/3 of homes don’t have a drive where you can park your car during all that time when you are not driving it, but I am one of the lucky ones. I am fortunate because my car is relatively safe, and if the superstition is to be believed, I am even luckier because birds love my car.

When I moved to my home 40 years ago, I planted a couple of little fir trees in my front garden, which have had time to grow substantially. I have always thought them quite beautiful, but during the past few sunny summer spells, it seems to have become a place where more and more birds that suffer from acute diarrhoea have made their home.

The tree protects the car from the hot sun in the summer, and I never have loads of ice to scrape off in the winter. I have always loved to see my winged friends flying to and from my trees, but while my beloved car is nice and safe in my drive, I am fed up with finding it covered with guano when I am ready to leave home. 

They seem to like the windscreen and wing mirrors more than anywhere else. I don’t wish them any harm, and they are welcome to visit the other tree, but I would prefer they go to the loo in the one that is not above the car, and interestingly, there never seems to be copious amounts of excrement on the ground under that one.

I tried to find some internet facts about why there is so much more poop lately, and though I drew a blank there, I saw lots of evidence that led me to conclude that I am not the only person with this problem.  

Google have a few shiny year-round tree decorations that might work. YouTube has some ideas when it comes to DIY ways of discouraging our flying friends, and short of chopping my beloved treed down or erecting a scarecrow in it, I would like to share what I have found for any other driver afflicted with a bit, too much overhead luck!

MT, Lewisham.

Do it yourself or buy it yourself; MT offers some examples…

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