Dear LPG, 

One day not so long ago, I found myself in a conversation with a moral flavour all its own.  I am part of a group of ladies that make a point of getting together for a coffee morning or afternoon tea session once a week.  We all know that such a meeting needs tea or coffee and a few biscuits, enough cake to go around or something else pleasing to the pallet to be successful, but it would not be the same without a bit of a nattering session.   We have been meeting like this for years, although there was that lockdown interruption for a while, and our chats are sometimes quite light-hearted, while at other times, they can get somewhat more involved.

On this occasion, we got to the subject of telling fibs and whether doing that can ever be good.  We decided that some deceptions are permissible. 

It is good that we all know each other quite well by now because we all decided that when answering the question, it was one of the easiest opportunities to avoid the truth facing us as we talked.  The conscience-jogging question we asked each other was, ‘If one of us old girls did not quite dress to an acceptable standard, would one of the others tell her?’.  We all agreed that our honesty would be challenged there and then because all the people around my kitchen table decided that they would be willing to lie to make sure a friend felt good about themselves unless there was a bit of underwear showing that shouldn’t be or a label that needed tucking in.

More than one of the ladies around the table admitted to telling a blatant lie when asked by a partner about what they had bought for an upcoming birthday or Christmas gift to ensure that that moment of surprise was not tainted.  But we all agreed that somehow in those circumstances, even if the questions and answers are reversed, he knows that you are lying, and you know that you are lying, and so it is all OK.  

We also could remember making something up to give our parents a reason to say ‘yes’ when we asked for permission to do something or go somewhere we knew we would not be allowed if they knew the truth.  We worked out that only one group member could say hand-on-heart that there was an occasion when they never got found out.

There was a lot of discussion, but we could not agree on where the line should be drawn to show when hiding or disguising the truth was helpful. 

We all decided on a challenge that day.  We made an undertaking not to lie for one week, and I have to tell the truth and say that I failed less than a day later. 

My cousin, who I had not heard from for a while, phoned me and the first thing I said when I realised who it was, was a lie that I did not need to tell.  When she mentioned that we had not spoken for a long time, I told her I had tried to phone her earlier in the week, and the sentence rolled off my tongue before I could stop it.  I felt worse because she had not even asked for an explanation.

I have to say that, at our next old girl group meeting, when it came to our attempts to be truthful for a week, we all had a story about our failures.

I suppose the real question is for each of us and our consciences.  Have you altered the truth lately?
EL, Lewisham

LPG found a few interesting facts about lying….

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